I swear nobody prepares you for some of the feelings you feel as a first time parent. Sleep deprivation, which leads to being short tempered, which can lead to a mundane discussion becoming an argument. Then there is the constant insecurity of knowing if you are a good parent or not. These were the rush of emotions I had when we were released from the hospital with baby Parker. Am I a good mom? Am I ready to take on two babies? What am I doing? I felt like I wasn’t good enough for some reason. Was this what postpartum felt like? How do I connect to this new baby girl when I just got my first child not even 2 and half months ago.
Thankfully all of those emotions melted away as soon as we were in our hotel room with my two baby girls and my two biggest cheerleaders. I was finally somewhat in my comfort zone away from home. Trying to juggle remote work and being a new mom of two. I mean I’ve waited nine years for this moment! “Get it together Terri”. I’ve always dreamed of being a mom and that dream had finally come true. Times TWO!
My mom made it super easy for Ryan and I to bond with Parker. Here’s the thing we don’t co-sleep. Since day one Winter has always slept in a bassinet next to our bed at home but we had limited resources being out of state. Winter got to sleep with Nonie in bed most of our trip. Hence why Winter is obsessed with her Nonie. This gave us the opportunity to spend private time with baby Parker, albeit in a Best Western hotel on the outskirts of Kansas City.
But this trip was not all kittens and rainbows. I had my moment when my confidence was in the gutter. Ryan took us to a pretty busy coffee shop while in Missouri, Messenger Coffee. It was definitely a place Ryan and I would go prior to having children. So me being a new mom, in a pandemic, with two newborns in a double stroller took it’s toll on my nerves. Ryan told me and mom to find a table while he ordered. Mind y’all this was a three story building. I had to maneuver this big ass stroller through this busy “hipster coffee shop” and I felt like everyone was staring at me. Like I was diseased and how dare I bring children into this coffee shop. I literally had a melt down on the second floor and my mom had to bring me back to reality and tell me, “if you can’t handle these situations you have no business going out then. If you want to live the same life and do the same things, you have to start adapting now."
Thankfully I took my mothers advice and adapted. We navigated the crowds with our double stroller, found a table, and had an excellent breakfast. We will adapt and will not look back. I’m blessed and honored to be a mom to these two precious girls and I’m glad I can feel and learn about all of the new things that come with becoming parents. Thanks mom and Ryan for making me feel like I can do anything! I love you both.